


10 Simple Steps

by whitelalin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, buddingromance, butnotreally, kindayaoi, luhanisalittleshit, somewherealongtheway, thisiscompleteanduttertrash, xingdaesnotdead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 04:50:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6315598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitelalin/pseuds/whitelalin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zhang Yixing is looking for a girlfriend. He is sick and tired of feeling lonely, of being asked why he hasn't been dating recently and why he isn't married yet. Okay, well the two questions are asked by his mother on a daily basis. </p><p>A twenty-five year old should be engaged already! — Yixing's mother.<br/>I want beautiful grandchildren Yixing! — Also Yixing's mother.</p><p>And that is where Kim Jongdae comes in. Jongdae is a self-proclaimed love guru who has supposedly helped many men successfully grab the attention of the women of their interest.<br/>Yixing hopes that he won't regret going to Jongdae for help.</p><p>But Han and Yifan did recommend him after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	10 Simple Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted at AFF under the same username :)  
> I need more xingdae in my life, I don't think you guys understand. I'm thirst af for them lmao

**Step 1: Are you really ready for a girlfriend?**

* * *

 

 

  
Yixing has a dilemma on his hands.

Alright, saying that it’s a dilemma might be a little bit of a stretch. But it is a serious problem, he can assure you that. Okay, so maybe the problem isn’t _so_ serious as he thinks it is. It’s not like that one time he injured his waist a week before a dance final during high school. It isn’t that Yixing has left bleach in his hair for too long. No, he is not allergic to peanuts and is after eating a whole bag of them. No, he has not caught an STD, STI and he definitely does not have HIV. It isn’t that he is dangerously allergic to himself either, now _that_ is just ridiculous. It’s not that serious _yet_.

The dilemma is this: Yixing doesn’t have a girlfriend. Okay, now that sounds ridiculous. No. Scratch that. _Absolutely ridiculous_. He hasn’t told any of his friends this, no way would he ever tell them because he might sound like he is desperate for a girlfriend when he isn’t. Yixing is just fresh out of college and wants to focus more on landing himself a high-paying job rather than seeking out a significant other.

His mom, however, disagrees. She keeps on bugging him and meddling with his life. She keeps telling him that he should be married already. _Married_ for crying out loud! Yixing already has a cat that he sometimes forgets to feed, imagine him having to care for another human being! Also, she is forever telling him about how she and his dad met each other when they were fifteen, fell in love and got married when they were twenty. And as cute as that all sounds, Yixing doesn’t care. Well actually, that’s a lie. At some point, he _did_ care. It’s just that after hearing the same story over and over again, it loses its effect.

The worst part is Yixing actually _does_ feel pressured to get a girlfriend and to settle down. He has even made thousands of online dating accounts and has been on one too many blind dates. A person could literally go onto any dating website, search his name and BAM! There he is. His profile picture is the one that Han took for him, where he looks the most presentable as he can get; Hair pushed up and back, donning a jet black suit along with a crisp white shirt. His face isn’t blank in it, in fact he is actually smiling which never fails to amuse Han due to the fact that he always, apparently, looks lost in his own world. Han has dubbed his resting face as _‘Xing.jpg’._

Anyway, back to the point. Yixing would absolutely, positively just drop dead if any of his friends were to find out about his desperate search for a girlfriend.

Did he mention that his mom calls him _at least_ three times a day? No? Well she does. She calls him to inform him about bachelorettes—and sometimes bachelors—that she has come across and tells him all about them, how lovely and suitable they are for him.

Like now, for example. His phone is ringing and the caller I.D flashes up as ‘Mom ♡’ and he promptly ignores it, keeping his eyes glued on the television screen instead. He breathes out a relieved sigh when it stops ringing for a good five minutes. Hurriedly, Yixing takes the opportunity to put his phone on vibrate since he knows that his mom won’t settle for _just_ calling—or trying to anyway—he figures that he knows his mom all too well when his phone buzzes not once or twice but _three_ times before it stops. He glances at it with the corner of his eye, unwilling to move his hand to pick it up. Guilt gets the best of him (he already ignored her call) but then all the guilt washes away when his phone begins to vibrate continuously, a sign that she is calling him again. He watches as the phone inches closer towards the edge of the desk.

“Are you going to answer that?” Yixing almost jumps fifty feet in the air when Yifan’s deep voice comes out of nowhere. Yixing snaps his head in the direction of his voice and finds the tall brunet standing by the door with plastic bags in both hands.

“Yeah, it’s gonna fall off of your table.” Another voice says, and Yixing can only stare as Han jumps out from behind Yifan. His two friends stare at him and in turn he stares right back. Yifan is ready to crack a smile, but then Han begins talking again. “Well are you gonna answer your phone or not?” He walks over to where Yixing is sitting on the couch, plops down beside him and picks up the phone. He tuts loudly, “Xing! It’s your mom!”

Yixing tries to form an excuse but then Han is already accepting the call. Yifan pats his head as he watches Han talk to his mom with disbelief in his eyes, mouth wide open. Yixing snaps out of it quickly and tries to grab his phone.

It is honestly so easy to forget how strong Han really is because of his cute, little face and Yixing is reminded of his strength when Han shoves him away with his right foot. Han exercises regularly—like, twice a day or something—and played for the soccer team when they were in high school and college, so one can imagine how much strength the older male has in his calves.

Yixing falls onto the ground comically. He whips his head around and looks at Yifan accusingly, “Aren’t you going to help me?”

Yifan stops opening the plastic lunchboxes that he brought to look at Yixing, he then looks back at the food in the lunchboxes and then back at Yixing. “ _Nope_.” He replies in English, popping the ‘p’ annoyingly before taking out a pair of metal chopsticks and devouring what he can. Yixing glares at him, cursing him and his food and his goddamn English in his mind.

“So Auntie, how is Uncle?” Han’s loud voice asks, making Yixing stop glaring at Yifan as he remembers that his little devil of a friend is still on the phone with his mom. “That’s good!” Han replies as he places a hand on Yixing’s chest to keep him at an arm's length away. Yixing is desperately making grabby hands at his phone, and he _almost_ snatches the touchscreen device but then Han shoves him in the chest again with the very same foot that he used earlier. Yixing is sure that he’ll have a foot imprinted onto his chest in a form of a bruise when the day is done.

“Fuck you Lulu!” Yixing hisses so his mom doesn’t hear him curse at one of his best friends. Han just so happens to be his mom’s favorite between him and Yifan, so hearing Yixing cuss at Han wouldn’t end well for him. Sometimes Yixing wonders who her child really is between the two of them.

Han blows a kiss at him accompanied by a wink and it takes all of Yixing’s willpower not to jump on him. Instead, he crawls over to Yifan where he hopes to gain a bit of comfort. Yifan looks at him with sympathy in his eyes and a smile that is barely lifted by the corners of his mouth. The tall male places his chopsticks with rice in front of Yixing’s mouth, he opens his mouth and allows Yifan to feed him the rice. Yifan then takes some sweet and sour pork and stuffs it into Yixing’s mouth as well. Yixing chews slowly, placing his cheek onto the table so that he can think about why his life has come to be like this. Yifan ruffles his hair comfortingly before stuffing his own mouth with food.

“Bye Auntie!” Han says happily, “I love you too.”

Yixing is relieved when Han has stopped talking to his mom. He hopes that she hasn’t said anything about how she wants him to be married because Han as a wingman is a definite no-no. And besides, Han has a boyfriend already so there is no way Yixing is going to involve Han in his situation as his wingman if he doesn’t want Minseok’s wrath.

“I hate you.” Yixing says as he sits up, grabbing a cushion on the couch and proceeding to beat Han with it. Han only cackles loudly while Yifan makes a non-committed noise, mouth full of food.

“You love me~” Han sings before Yixing hits him in the face with the cushion.

When Yixing’s arms get tired, he drops the pillow onto the couch and slides onto the ground by Yifan’s foot. His tall friend offers him a baozi and when one of Han’s hands come to grab it, Yifan’s large hand slaps it away quickly. He then gives the baozi to Yixing with a kind smile, momentarily forgetting that his mouth is full of food and so Yixing can see bits of chewed food spewing from the sides of his teeth. Yixing grimaces at the sight, making Yifan close his mouth quickly and laugh. Yixing joins in and so does Han.

Later on as they are watching Running Man and eating mango pudding Yixing remembers something. “How’d you guys get in?” He wonders out loud. Yifan fishes something out of his jeans pocket and shows Yixing the spare keys that he gave them in case he ever forgot his own—which happens a lot. “Oh.”

Yifan hums. Yixing guesses that it’s alright when they barge in unannounced with food, even if Han answers his mom’s call, if it ends up with them squished together with a fluffy blanket around them while they eat mango pudding and watching reruns on t.v.

In that moment, the peace is ruined when Han farts loudly and the smell, oh holy Lord, _the smell_. Yixing, who is in the middle of the two, immediately jumps up and runs a few feet away from the couch.

“Oh my God! Lu fucking Han! What would your mom say?” Yixing exclaims as Yifan follows in suit, cowering behind him as he holds his nose using his thumb and index finger.

Han doesn’t answer him but just once again cackles loudly—evilly, almost—while clutching onto his stomach. Forget what Yixing thought earlier, he does regret giving Han spare keys.

 

* * * * * * *

 

Yixing looks at his appearance on the full length mirror in his bedroom. He is trying decide what he should wear since he is going on a date this evening and he is trying to pick a suitable shirt. He’s in plain black dress pants and has put on a maroon colored shirt, although he can’t help but think that he’s dressed too dark? Perhaps he should wear a white shirt instead? _‘But that’s so plain,’_ he thinks. Yixing huffs and undoes the buttons, throwing the shirt onto the ground before walking up to his wardrobe again. He ruffles his head and falls onto the ground dramatically, letting out a frustrated noise. "Why is this my life, Spots?" Yixing asks his fluffy Birman cat, who blinks back at him with her wide eyes.

He stares at his ceiling for a good ten minutes before he stands up again. “You can do this!” He mumbles to himself encouragingly, “It’s only picking out clothes.” He mutters. Nodding to himself and at Spots who scampers away, Yixing walks to his wardrobe again. For a split second, he considers calling Han for advice— _no way in hell_ would he call Yifan for fashion advice, that would be absolutely disastrous since he is a _fashion terrorist_ —but then he remembers that he hasn’t told either him or Yifan about his date so he lets out a sigh instead and forces himself to concentrate. He almost chooses a light blue plaid shirt, but then he thinks that plaid is too tacky to wear on a dinner date. A baby pink shirt catches his eye and he grabs it immediately, trying it on.

Yixing thinks that the shirt looks lovely on him, but the pants don’t suit the shirt at all so he digs through his cabinet for a pair of white pants that he knows he has somewhere. Once he finds it, he rids himself of the black pants and replaces it with the white ones. He then looks at himself at the mirror again. He nods approvingly to himself.

“You’ve outdone yourself, Xing. Nice one.” He says as he stuffs his hands in his pockets and poses in front of the mirror. Since he has decided on what to wear, he removes the clothing so that they can be ironed for later.

His phone rings and he is not surprised when he sees the caller I.D. “Mom, hi!” She greets him, asking if he has ate yet and then gets down to business. “Actually I’m going on a date this evening.” He informs her as he walks to the kitchen to turn on the heating so that there will be warm water for when he showers later. “I’m sure she’ll be lovely,” he tells her after she voices her concern as to whether or not his date is the perfect match for him. “Mhm, listen mom, I need to get ready. I’ll call you later, ‘kay? Love you~”

Yixing ends the call when after his mother has replied to him and sighs.

 

* * * * * * *

 

"....Can you _believe_ she even said that?"

Yixing blinks as his date's high pitched voice breaks him out of his little daydream about growing plants. He shakes his head, a look of feign disbelief on his face. She then continues talking and Yixing watches her as she does, blocking out all noise so that he's only really watching the movements of her mouth.

As Yixing studies her features, he thinks that how she did her makeup is amazing. Her eyeliner is so straight, the gold glitter eyeshadow is really mesmerising and the way she toned down the lipstick is excellent since it brings the focus to her eyes. It's a shame that her personality is a little so-so, a bit annoying even, because she's just talking about people who have done her wrong and isn't leaving room for Yixing to speak. So in light of all that, can you really blame him for daydreaming? He knows that it’s rude of him, but he just can’t help but zone out.

"So, enough about me," she trails, and Yixing bites back the _"You weren't even talking about yourself!"_ that is desperately trying to come out of his mouth. "Let's talk about you now." And Yixing guesses that she is trying to be flirty because she runs her fingers through her curled hair, batting her eyelashes at him as she leans closer, trying to give him a view of her cleavage—he thinks.

Now that she has given him the opportunity to speak, he doesn't even know what to say. It isn't as if he is particularly interesting, so what could he possibly tell her? "Uhm," he thinks of what to say quickly because she is smiling flirtatiously at him with sultry eyes, and he wants nothing more than to go home and wrap himself around his blanket as he snacks on popcorn while watching Mulan or maybe even Kung Fu Panda. "Well, I play the guitar and I studied at med school."

Her eyes light up at the mention of med school, "So, you want to become a doctor?"

"That's the plan."

"Wow, being a doctor must be hard work though." She pouts, wrinkling her noise, "I hate blood." And then she begins to babble on and on about herself, starting from why she hates blood to what she ate yesterday and Yixing really needs to find a way to worm himself out of this situation because he's pretty sure that he will not be able to stay sane if he doesn't leave immediately.

While he is trying to figure out some excuse as to why he needs to _unfortunately_ leave their date, his saviour comes in the form of an averaged height male with dirty blond hair, wearing a shit-eating grin. He stalks towards them almost like they are his prey—or more like Yixing is his prey—with his arm around the waist of a slightly shorter male. In case it isn't clear, his saviour—or who he hopes it will be—is Han and the shorter male is his Korean boyfriend Minseok.

"Yixing," he greets, his shit-eating grin turning much larger and much shittier when he looks between him and his date. "What brings you here?" Han asks sickeningly sweet and Yixing concludes that sometimes he just hates his best friend.

"Well—" Yixing gets cut off.

"We're on a date." She answers just as sickeningly sweet, batting her eyelashes twice at them before turning to look back at Yixing. "Isn't that right?"

Yixing only manages a stiff nod. As soon as he nods, Minseok's thick eyebrows furrow in confusion. The short male turns to tell something into Han's ear in Korean, Yixing notes as he cannot understand. Whatever Minseok has said to Han has him chuckling and replying back in Korean as well, and it's times like this when Yixing wishes that he took those Korean language classes with Han.

Yixing looks at his best friend with slightly wide eyes, hoping that his desperate attempt at signalling the older male to help him will reach his brain somehow. Han raises a brow at him, eyes directing at the table. Yixing follows and turns to look at his food which is finished, however when he looks at hers it isn't even half done. He then turns back to look at Han and shrugs, adding more desperation to his eyes. His date seems to be getting irritated, trying to gain attention by speaking once again which only Minseok pays attention to. The Korean male—God bless his soul—is actually conversing with her, well it's actually more of a one way conversation (what with her doing all the talking, which makes Yixing feel bad for him) but Minseok seems to be holding up quite well with kind eyes and a patient smile.

From the corner of his eye, Yixing notices Han making gestures with his hand. The older male is signalling towards the door, using his thumb. Yixing watches as Han gestures at himself, soundlessly saying _excuse_ before gesturing at the three of them mouthing a, _will get out of here_ , and then smiles widely with his thumb up. Yixing nods, putting his faith in his best friend who nods back at him assuringly.

Clapping his hands together, Han smiles widely at the girl, which disappears as soon as he sees her pulling his boyfriend slightly closer to her. He places both of his hands on Minseok's biceps firmly, a sharp look in his eye. "As great as your life sounds and all," he grits out sarcastically as he pulls Minseok back into his chest and winding his limbs around the short male pointedly, "Minnie, Xing and I need to go have our threesome." He tells her devilishly, adding a wink in hopes of infuriating her.

Yixing, who was sipping on his water, chokes on the liquid harshly. As he coughs loudly, he turns to look at the couple with eyes as wide as saucers. Minseok is looking at anywhere but their table while behind him, Han is glaring imaginary flaming daggers at the girl as he wears a vicious smirk. Yixing has lost all the faith he had in his best friend from earlier and can only manage to sputter out a few letters before he feels liquid on his face. He turns to face his date, who is staring at him furiously and if throwing her Diet Coke at him wasn't enough for her, she also scrapes back her chair loudly and strides up to him to slap him in the cheek. And honestly, Yixing cannot comprehend what is going on at all. His cheek stings from her slap and before he knows it his date is leaving in a huff, everybody in the restaurant is staring at them and the waiter is hurriedly offering him a napkin to wipe his face. When he turns to look at Han, the dirty blond male is nodding to himself approvingly before he looks back at Yixing with an accomplished grin, obviously proud of himself for what he has done.

Yixing looks around the restaurant to the waiter wiping the floor to his pants where the soda is dripping onto before finally looking back at Han and Minseok. Then he begins laughing as if all the sanity has been sucked out of him, clapping his hands before doubling over. Truthfully, he doesn’t have a clue as to why he is laughing, something about the situation just seems so funny to him. He laughs harder when he recalls the image of her shocked face after she found out that he is supposedly interested in the same sex. When he hears Han and Minseok slowly join in, it just pushes him to laugh to the point of tears. His laughter dies down eventually and he stands up, retrieving his wallet from his blazer to take out some bills and dropping them onto the table.

"Let's go." He says as he hides his wallet and places his blazer onto his forearm, walking ahead of the couple causing the two to walk fast in order to catch up with him. Yixing bumps his shoulder with Han's, who in turn bumps him back. He looks at his best friend, who returns the stare with a large shit-eating grin and Yixing is just unable to hide a large grin of his own. "She probably thinks of us as filth." He comments as they walk to the bus stop, recalling how Han had implied that he is gay as well.

Han and Minseok look at each other in sync before looking back at Yixing to shrug at him.

"It's not like she was someone important, though, right?" Minseok says as he sits onto the dark wooden bench by the bus stop. Yixing shakes his head. "Well then forget about her. You deserve someone better. God, I can't believe you didn't leave the date earlier." Minseok continues with the shake of his head, "I really didn't need to know about that one time she accidentally dyed her hair grey." They laugh in unison at that.

When the laughter dies down, Han turns to look at Yixing slowly and _oh no_ , Yixing doesn't like the look in his best friend's eye. "Speaking of your date..." Han trails off, "Why did you go on one anyway?" Minseok nods curiously from beside his boyfriend, mumbling something quietly in Korean.

Yixing stares at them like a deer caught in the headlights. _‘Oh no, ABORT! ABORT! I MUST AVOID THIS SITUATION!’_ Yixing thinks, practically having a mental breakdown as he racks his brain to find an excuse. They are looking at him expectantly and Yixing is frozen on the spot. _‘Shit,’_ he thinks, _‘I don't have an excuse.’_

He tilts his head, inhaling a quick breath through his teeth. "Well.." He trails, hoping to buy time while his eyes chance a quick glance at the road because _where the hell is that goddamn bus?!_ "Uhm," he gulps as they raise their eyebrows slightly. "It's a long story." He lamely answers and it takes all the muscle in Yixing's arm to ensure that he doesn't facepalm right then and there.

The couple glance at each other from the corner of their eyes to nod at each other and Yixing cannot help but think that they're telepathic or something because how else would they have been able to decide something together without using words? _‘They really must have been dating each other for such a long time,’_ Yixing muses.

They turn back to him with scary glints in their eyes, "We've got time." They say simultaneously and it sends shivers down Yixing's spine because they look creepy as fuck right now. Suddenly, Yixing feels a gust of wind from behind him and turns around. _‘Oh what perfect timing,’_ he thinks sarcastically as people walk out of the very bus that needed to arrive for Yixing, like, three minutes ago.

The couple link one of their arms with each of Yixing's arms, making no room for him to escape since he is in the middle of them. They smile at him, feigning sweetness at him as they bat their freaking eyelashes at him. Together, the pair force him to board the bus—although to be honest, it's not like he's fighting back or anything because they were bound to find out the truth somehow anyways. Han pays for the fare and they choose a seat at the back, the couple still keeping him in between them.

 

* * * * * * *

 

Yixing knew from the beginning that this would be the outcome if he were to tell Han and Yifan his most deepest, darkest secret.

As soon as they arrived at Yixing's apartment earlier, Han wasted no time calling Yifan over while Minseok just smiled cutely at him before waddling over to the kitchen and taking out some snacks from the pantry. Yixing let them be because he undoubtedly needed a shower asap because the Diet Coke droplets on his pants—his precious white pants that will hopefully be able to be cleansed from the dark droplets—dried and was sticking to his skin uncomfortably.

Once he was all clean and smelled nice, fresh graphic tee and everything, he took his clothes and put them in the washing machine with a color catcher sheet because he is too lazy to separate his clothes. He then walked into the living room where Han and Minseok sat, but there was also Yifan and his martial arts champion boyfriend Zitao sitting on the other small couch. There was a bunch of snacks on the table and that was how Yixing knew that this would be a long night.

So Yixing revealed everything. From his mom constantly calling him everyday to his numerous online dating accounts. At first, they didn't believe that he had that much dating accounts, until they searched him up themselves on the different websites using their smartphones. It was Han who started laughing like a maniac first, then Zitao along with Minseok and then lastly Yifan.

"I can't breathe!" Han exclaimed through his laughter, clutching onto his stomach as tears streamed down his face. And that was when Yixing took one of the cushions from his couch and tried to fuse it with his face, suffocating in embarrassment.

That is what lead them to this exact moment, Yixing telling the tale of how he went on a date to the aquarium because she was convinced that she was a mermaid at birth and lost her tail when she was forced to go to school. Han still hasn't stopped laughing at him and the other three look like they want to laugh at him but have the manners to not do so.

"You're so stupid." Zitao says with a deadpan expression and what's left of Yixing's ego and self esteem turns into mere fragments of dust. He nudges Yifan, "Why don't you two introduce him to Jongdae?"

"Us two?" Yifan asks with furrowed eyebrows. But forget about that, who is this _Jongdae_ character? How come he hasn't heard of this person before? _‘He's clearly Korean,’_ Yixing thinks as he tries to imagine what this _Jongdae_ person looks like, which is obviously difficult seeing as he hasn’t even heard a single thing about this person.

"You and Lulu," Zitao replies in a 'duh' tone with a roll of his eye as he grabs a handful of the toffee popcorn in the large bowl on the table in the middle of the two couches. "You know, give him Jongdae's number and he'll be sorted." He adds before popping a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth. _‘Sorted?’_ Yixing thinks, _‘What do they mean by that?’_

Yifan turns to look at Han. They stare at each other for a good five minutes before nodding to each other.

"Alright, Xing, gimme your phone." Han orders and Yixing does as he is told, grabbing his phone from beside him and gently tossing it to the older male. Han knows his passcode already, so Yixing doesn't need to tell him. He blinks curiously as Han types in this Jongdae person's number onto his phone. "There." He says once he is done. He tosses the phone back to Yixing saying, "He'll help you a lot. I mean look at Yifan and me." A goofy smile is planted onto his face as he glances at Minseok.

Yixing is skeptical. Just because this Jongdae person supposedly helped his best friends get together with their current boyfriends, that doesn't mean that he will be able to help him. But then again, when Yixing thinks about it, he has nothing left to lose and at least it'll help him get his mom off of his back for the time being when he tells her that he is actually doing his own search for a significant other.

The two couples don't leave until later in the night. Zitao and Minseok wave energetically at him, "GIVE HIM A CALL!" They shout in unison, bright smiles on their faces before turning to face the correct way. Han and Yifan wave lazily at him but smile just as bright as their boyfriends.

When Yixing closes the door, he doesn't bother cleaning up the mess that they made and instead makes a beeline towards his bedroom where he plops down face first onto his bed. He stays in the same position for a good two to three minutes before he needs air, forcing him to move his head so that his left cheek is resting on his covers. Yixing stares at the screen on his phone, or more specifically, he stares at the new contact number that he has. Yawning tiredly, Yixing presses the lock button on his phone and crawls under his covers.

Maybe he'll give this Jongdae person a call tomorrow.

 

* * * * * * *

 

Yixing’s thumb is hovering above the call button. It’s not that he’s hesitating, _no way_ is he hesitating. It’s just that once he calls this Jongdae person, what is he suppose to say? He hasn’t actually thought this through. But sure, he shouldn’t have anything to worry about because Jongdae probably gets calls from people all the time asking him to help them with their dreary love lives, right? _Right?_ So he has nothing to worry about, all he needs to do is press the call button and wait for Jongdae to answer. Simple. He closes his eyes and inhales, as he exhales he opens his eyes and presses the button.

The wait is nerve wracking. Yixing is shaking his foot patiently, biting his lip as the line continues to ring in his ear. _‘Jongdae must be popular,’_ he thinks because he still hasn’t answered his call. It’s been like, what, two or three minutes? Yixing sighs, and just as he is about to hang up, his call is answered.

“Hello?” It’s a male. His voice is just a little bit deep.

“Hi. I uh—” Yixing stops himself from talking, quickly sorting out his thoughts so that he doesn’t sound like a complete idiot. “My name is Yixing and my friends, Han and Yifan”—there’s a hum of acknowledgement from the other end of the line—“recommended you to me because of my current situation.”

“Which would be?”

“Well, I need a girlfriend.” Yixing begins to say, choosing his words carefully so that he doesn’t accidentally spill the fact that he has made thousands upon thousands of online dating accounts and has been on one too many blind dates.

“Let me guess,” Jongdae speaks, “You’ve made too many online dating accounts and have been on too many blind dates. Am I correct?”

Yixing blinks. What. Jongdae just hit the bullseye. “Well, yes.” He replies quietly because the fact that someone who is a complete stranger knows about his deepest, darkest secret is kind of scary. Not to mention the fact that this stranger just guessed his secret, but also got it correct.

Jongdae hums. His voice is actually quite nice, Yixing thinks, it’s soothing in a way. Almost like honey—or something similar to that. “Well you’ve come to the right man.” His voice has a few octaves higher which makes Yixing think that he’s either smiling or is proud of himself for some reason. “I’ll text you the time and address that you should come meet me at, okay?”

“Okay.” Yixing answers, hesitating a little bit.

“Alright, cool. Bye!” Jongdae chirps and before Yixing knows it, the line goes dead and he’s left with his phone on his ear as he stares at his blank television screen. He lowers his arm and nods to himself, at least he got that sorted. And now all he has to do is call his mom because she should be calling him in a few minutes or so. He’s going to call her now to tell her clearly about how he is doing his own search for a girlfriend so she won’t have to bother finding one for him, it should go well with little argument from her side.

(He hopes.)

 

* * * * * * *

 

Yixing hops off of the bus and takes out his phone. He scrolls through his contacts and looks for Jongdae’s name so that he can read the address on the text message that he sent him last night. Once he finds it, Yixing looks up from his phone and looks left and right. Jongdae sent him a picture of the building he is suppose to go to with the address and Yixing is really thankful because it will help him a lot. He spots the building and wastes no time walking to it.

The first thing he notices when he steps inside, is that the building is actually a very fancy apartment building. The floors have been tiled a pristine white—Yixing swears that he can see his own reflection in it—and the walls have an equally pristine wallpaper, designed with intricate  
gold designs. The lobby has a reception area on the left side while on the right side are two fancy couches with a glass coffee table in between them, magazines laid nicely on top if it.

Yixing gulps as he walks over to the receptionist. Jongdae must be rich, judging from the looks of it. Yixing tries to imagine what his apartment must look like as his worn out generic sneakers squeak when they meet the floor.

“I’m looking for _Zhongdae_.” Yixing says when the receptionist looks at him expectantly, almost as if she were judging him internally.  
  
She types something into her computer before looking up to face him again, “He’s on the fifth floor.”

“Thank you.” He replies, smiling at her—which she doesn’t return, but hey, does Yixing care? Nope. Not at all.

He presses the button for the elevator, waits a minute or two and steps inside when the doors open. The inside of the elevator is just as fancy as the lobby, it’s the typical royal red with gold to contrast elevator that plays fancy music as the bgm, but Yixing thinks that it suits the building really well.

When the doors slide open again, Yixing belatedly realizes that she didn’t tell him the number of his apartment. But when Yixing steps out of the elevator, he realizes why she didn’t. There are only two apartments on the floor, one on either end of the corridor and there are names on gold plates, just a couple of inches below the peephole. On one of the doors is an English name, so it automatically rules it out and Jongdae’s apartment is obviously the one of the right side.

Yixing rings the doorbell and waits patiently, a little bit nervous too. He’s shifting from one leg to the other when the door opens. Bright light comes from behind this person, presumably Jongdae, which creates this odd innocent look—almost as if he has descended from the staircase of Heaven or something.

“You must be Yixing,” He says, “Nice to meet you, I’m Jongdae.” Jongdae smiles brightly, so brightly that Yixing almost feels the need to squint and he _swears_ that _angels_ are singing in the background or something. For a split second, Yixing thinks that Jongdae’s smile could heal anyone's sickness but he wipes those thoughts away as quick as they came because that is just so fucking creepy to think of. Zhang Yixing is a man of many things. _Creepy_ is not one of them.

“Uh, yeah, nice to meet you too.” Yixing says with a smile of his own as Jongdae steps back to let him in. Honestly, Yixing didn’t know what kind of house Jongdae would live in, but he didn’t expect this. At all.

The walls are a pastel pink, random pastel purple and blue hearts dotted around (since it’s not too much so it looks very cute). There is a fluffy white rug in the centre of the living room with a heart shaped table on top of it, suede couches and wooden floors. Cute decorations lay around the house, for example, there is a Gudetama cushion on the couch and Hello Kitty’s head as a mirror on one of the walls. The apartment is open spaced, meaning there is no wall separating the kitchen and living room and so Yixing can clearly see the kitchen from where he is standing by the door. For the most part, the kitchen is white, with pink utensils—Yixing immediately spotted the pink coffee maker and Kitchen Aid—as well as a huge fridge.

“Would you like anything to drink? Tea or coffee?” Jongdae offers as he practically skips to the kitchen, the bright light seeming to follow him around as if he were an angel.

Yixing clears his throat, “Tea please.”

“Alright, you can just take a seat there on one of the couches.” Jongdae instructs, “I only drink Earl Grey, is that alright?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Yixing replies, taking a seat onto the couch nearest to him, waiting patiently for Jongdae to arrive. His eyes do another once over again and this time he spots a multi-colored robot that’s just about under five feet tall, an odd looking spaceship is next to it and when he moves his eyes to the left, there stands a huge bookcase. His eyes trail it and he notices that there are manhwas instead of _actual_ novels. A smile of approval makes its way onto his face when he spots an up to date collection of Haikyū!! through squinted eyes.

Jongdae walks back to Yixing, carrying a small tray consisting of a tea set and a miniature tier of assorted cakes. Yixing gets a better look at the tea set and is not surprised when it’s a Rilakkuma tea set, nor is he surprised when he notices that the handles of the teaspoons are heart shaped.

“Please help yourself.” He hears Jongdae say and so he does. He adds a splash of milk and four teaspoons of sugar to his tea after pouring in the scalding beverage into his cute little teacup.

Yixing takes a sip before looking up to face Jongdae properly. He nearly drops his teacup when he is met face to face with the Korean. “Y-you—!” Yixing splutters out, eyes becoming wide. Now that he can see Jongdae’s face clearly as the bright light is no longer surrounding him, Yixing can see that he is young. In fact, _extremely_ young. About eighteen or younger and Yixing feels as if he has been pranked by Han and Yifan.

Jongdae tilts his head confusedly, “I…?”

“Aren’t you in high school?!” Yixing exclaims as he settles his teacup back onto the tray.

“Huh?”

“Don’t ‘huh’ me!” Yixing says, narrowing his eyes. “This is a prank isn't it? Don’t tell me, Minseok is actually your cousin and they called you so that they could play a little joke on me?”

“Eh? You know Seokie hyung?” Jongdae asks as he blinks all too innocently.

“ _Aha_! I _knew_ it!” Yixing exclaims once again, beginning to get furious at the fact that he actually got fooled by his two best friends and their boyfriends. _‘Oh they will pay!’_ Yixing thinks angrily as he stands up, ready to leave Jongdae’s apartment.

“Hey! Hey, wait! I think there has been a misunderstanding!”

Yixing spins as quick as lightning, “ _Misunderstanding_? And how is there a _misunderstanding_?”

“Well it’s true that Minseok is my cousin”—Yixing rolls his eyes at this—“but I’m _not_ in high school!”

Yixing blinks a numerous amount of times, “Not in high school?!” Then he continues of in rapid Mandarin, words coming out of his mouth like flaming fireballs and a bit of guilt bubbles within him because Jongdae looks so terribly lost and confused as if he doesn’t even speak Mandarin all that well. Which could be true but Yixing wipes that thought away because he shouldn’t feel guilty when he is furious.

“Are you finished?” Jongdae asks when Yixing is heaving, to which he nods at in answer as he tries to regain his breath. “Well you see, I’m actually twenty-four years old.” He informs Yixing whose eyes are full of utmost disbelief. “I’m not in high school, I swear. I recently graduated college and moved to China just nearly years two ago.” Jongdae then grins, “My name is Kim Jongdae and I am a love guru who will help you find your perfect significant other!” He sings as makes a heart by bending his arms and placing the tips of his fingers on his head, swaying from side to side. His eyes have turned into pretty little crescents and it would be a sin to deny that what he is doing is cute.

“Love guru huh?” Yixing repeats and Jongdae nods his head enthusiastically after he has dropped his arms by his sides, eyes sparkling similar to those characters in animes.

“Yup! And I would really like to help you! If you don’t believe my age, I can show you my passport and my degree from college! I also have a portfolio containing those who have been satisfied with my service, which just so happens to be everybody I’ve helped!”

Yixing purses his mouth, thinking about whether or not he should give this Jongdae guy a chance. “Okay, fine.” Jongdae tells him to take a seat before rushing over to a different part of the apartment. Jongdae reappears after a few minutes and hands him something, it’s baby blue and when Yixing opens it, he finds that it is Jongdae’s passport. Yixing quickly reads his date of birth— _19920921_ —and hums. “Alright.” He says, hesitating as he takes a seat on the couch once again.

“Have you got any other questions for me?” Jongdae asks as he takes a seat in front of Yixing.

Yixing stares at him for a full minute, “Your eyebrows are really straight.” He comments, knowing that it isn’t a question but he honestly cannot believe how straight his eyebrows are.

Jongdae throws his head back and laughs, saying something quietly that almost sounded like he said, “They’re straighter than I will ever be.” But Yixing can’t be too sure because Jongdae’s Mandarin is a bit iffy. “Alright,” Jongdae says once he has sobered up, “I have made ten simple steps that will help you find _the one_.” He informs him and for some reason Yixing imagines neon pink hearts flying out of his body with a neon pink wall as a background. “The first step, and this will be your assignment for me, is,” Jongdae pauses for dramatic effect, Yixing holds his breath hoping that it will not be anything ridiculous. “Are you really ready for a girlfriend?”

Yixing’s jaw drops. “That’s it?”

“Yup,” Jongdae replies has he nods his head, caramel colored hair bouncing up and down as he does so. “I want you to think about this seriously. Ask yourself these questions—Is your life stable? Are you over your ex? Do you have any plans or goals for the future? Think about these questions over the next two to three days, and then call me so we can arrange a day for you to meet me again.”

“That’s all?” Yixing asks as he stands up not quite believing that he came here just to be kicked out with an assignment twenty minutes later. He honestly expected something else, like maybe looking for potential people that Yixing might be interested in or something.

“That’s all.” Jongdae confirms, “Would you like me to pack you some cakes to go or not?”

“No thank you.” Yixing replies, walking towards the door with Jongdae trailing behind him like a little puppy.

“Alright bye! Thank you for coming to Kim Jongdae, the one and only love guru! You won’t regret it!” Jongdae smiles widely as he holds his door open, watching the elevator doors slide close.

 

* * * * * * *

 

“So, what’d do you think of him?”

Han, Yifan and Yixing are at Minseok’s café, drinking free coffee and eating free desserts that Minseok’s employee, Sooyoung, made earlier this morning. Han called the two of them so that they could discuss how Yixing’s meeting with Jongdae went. Although Yifan doesn’t seem to be really interested, scoffing down all the cake that he can, saying that he is just there for the cake. (Yixing thinks that Zitao must have really rubbed off of him, because he distinctly remembers hearing the martial arts champion saying that before.)

“At first, I thought it was all fake because he looks like he is a high school student so obviously I thought that you were pulling a prank on me again.” Yixing tells him after swallowing the carrot cake in his mouth. “And then, he tells me that he is Minseok’s cousin,” Yixing says, giving Han a pointed look. “Why didn’t you tell me this, exactly?” Han shrugs, feigning guilt to which Yixing rolls his eyes at before sipping on his Americano. “So of course, I went to leave, but then he stopped me saying that he isn’t a high school student and offered to show me his passport.”

Han raises his eyebrows, his mouth seeming to malfunction and Yixing concludes that he is trying to stop himself from laughing. “Go on.” Han manages to squeak out, covering his mouth with the palm of his hand immediately afterwards but the shaking of his shoulders and the disappearance of his eyes are a tattle-tale about him laughing quietly.

Yixing looks towards Yifan and sighs. Yifan shrugs and says something like, “Don’t mind him and his dumb ass.” But Yixing can’t really tell because he is too distracted by the brown mush in his mouth since he spoke with his mouth full of mashed up brownies.

“Anyway, so he left me with this assignment and honestly, it’s half smart and half stupid. Smart because it really gets you thinking, you know? But stupid because I’m too desperate to get a girlfriend to care whether or not I’m really ready to have one. My life is stable, the last girlfriend I had was when I was nineteen—which, need I remind you, was five years ago. The only goal that I currently have is to become a pediatrician.”

Yifan hums, “ Then you have your answer.” Yixing often forgets how handsome and cool Yifan actually is, with his intense eyes and perfectly sculpted face paired with a height of a model. Yixing watches as Yifan takes a sip of his latte and spits it out, whining that it is too hot. _‘Ah yes,’_ Yixing thinks, _‘This is the true Wu Yifan.’_

“I should’ve recorded you and added it to my story.” Han cackles making Yifan glare at him.

“Minseok!” Yifan calls out. The said male’s head pops out from behind the door to the right of the counter, looking at Yifan expectantly. “Control your boyfriend!”

Minseok flashes a sweet smile at Yifan, cheeks bunching up cutely as he displays his teeth for them to see. His smile drops, a serious look taking over. He waves Han over, who chuckles slightly nervously.

“Coming baobei~” Han says sweetly, acting cute as he walks over to Minseok.

Yixing and Yifan watch in amusement as Minseok grabs his boyfriend’s forearm, dragging him into his office. “What have I told you about being nice to Yifan and Yixing? I thought we already…” They don’t hear much more after that because Minseok shuts his door.

“So petty.” Yixing comments, sliding Han’s plate of mango pudding in front of him.

Yifan only sticks his tongue out at him and robs the mango pudding, stuffing it whole in his mouth as his eyes sparkle with triumph.

 

* * * * * * *

 

Yixing finds himself in Jongdae’s apartment two days later. This time, Jongdae offers him taiyaki on a cute little platter that has been painted with pretty flowers.

“A friend of mine from Japan showed me a recipe and gave me a pan and everything since I helped him find his wife and all.” Jongdae tells him, beaming with pride. “Please, try it.”

Yixing does, taking a large bite and is pleasantly surprised when he finds that it is a matcha cream filling rather than the traditional red bean filling. He smiles at Jongdae, “It’s delicious.” He compliments as he finishes it within the next two bites.

“Of course, I made it!” Jongdae says confidently, giving Yixing a thumbs up and it sort of remind him of Han somehow except his best friend is not at all cute in any way. “Alright, business time.” Jongdae tells him seriously, whipping out a plastic orange, glittery clipboard and an equally glittery purple pen out of nowhere. “Have you thought about the assignment that I gave you seriously?”

Yixing nods, exhaling. “Yes,” he answers confidently, “I am ready for a girlfriend.”


End file.
